And remember - the very first thing I ever saw on a wrestling show was Tiger ali Singh challenging PMS to kiss his feet, and then the introduction of Meat, so you are almost SURE to have a better introduction than me.
BASIC INFO - The Roster is divided between two shows: RAW (Mondays) and SMACKDOWN (Fridays). TECHNICALLY everyone is on one roster or the other, and have different bosses, but at this point it doesn't really make a difference because everyone is on everything - but since they like to pretend it still matters so will we. NXT is this weird unending 'contest' where one rookie will seemingly win a chance to be on another season of NXT to maybe get a spot on the real roster in what has become an admirable metaphor for purgatory.
In alphabetical order - your cast of the WWE!
AJ (Smackdown) - This spunky young Rookie is also the girlfriend of World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan, and can often be seen backstage wishing him luck or hoping he doesn't die. She's tag team partners with Kaitlyn - but they keep losing matches and Kaitlyn is getting kinda pissed.
Aksana (Smackdown) - This eastern-European lady once almost married Goldust until we found out she was a literal gold-digger and only wanted his Million Dollar Belt (that he stole from Ted Dibiase). Since then she disappeared, dyed her hair, and mastered the super-natural power to make weird porn saxophone music play every time she enters a room (no, seriously). She is currently using this magic power to vaguely hit on Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long in attempt to have him awkwardly break every sexual harassment law on the books in the United States. They may or may not have sex one day - we are all hopeful that will not be on television.
Alberto Del Rio (RAW) - This rich Mexican aristocrat proclaimed it was his Destiny to win the WWE title - unfortunately, it doesn't seem like part of his destiny was to keep it very long. Dude had a hella good debut year - winning the Royal Rumble, Money in the Bank, and the WWE Championship (that's a REAL good year) but then he lost it to CM Punk, tore a muscle, and is out injured and in a wheelchair. He's got a sidekick in a tuxedo named Ricardo Rodriguez he gets to boss around, and the Bella Twins are pretty much fighting over who gets a chance to sleep with destiny first. He also comes out the ring a different multimillion dollar car every night. Honestly, it's not bad to be ADR.
Alex Riley (RAW) - Former protege to The Miz who finally flipped a switch and beat the crap out of his one time mentor after realizing 'take a lot of shit from Mike Mizanin' was maybe NOT the best way to earn respect and success in the WWE. He's the kind of dude who wears his Letterman jacket well into his thirties, so depending how you feel about that will pretty much tell you what you need to know about A-Ry. (That, and the fact that he or someone else on the WWE team could not spell or read his actual last name when creating his abbreviated nickname).
Alicia Fox (Smackdown) - This WWE diva is just... honestly not very good in the ring. She has this weird power-dance-walk... thing she does, and wears what appears to be a dead fox around her head. But she sure is cheery. It's clear Booker T has a crush on her (I hope his wife isn't watching the show) and she's got beef with Pinup Strong (Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and her Robin the Girl Wonder, Natalya) because they have correctly identified Alicia as one of those "model girls who can't really wrestle." Then she beats them with a roll up a lot. That basically sums up the last three months of women's wrestling in the WWE. Sigh...Coming Soon - people whose name starts with the letter "B."
Sesame Street ain't got nothing on me.
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