An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 7

Our continuing look at the WWE roster for a new viewer, to help provide some back story to the massive amount of people you'll be introduced to on the shows. You can check out our previous installments here.

Jack Swagger (RAW) - The 'All American American' and current United States Champion, Jack Swagger is a client of Vickie Guerrero's, along with Dolph Ziggler. Swagger is a former World Champ who fell on hard times after losing the big belt, and lost a lot of credibility. Looking for some momentum, he signed up with Vickie Guerrero to be her muscle - and so far it is paying dividends. Swagger just beat a very injured Zack Ryder (who was not medically cleared to compete) to win the US Championship, a befitting title for the self-proclaimed poster boy of the ideal American specimen.

Jerry Lawler (RAW) - Jerry "The King" Lawler is just that - the undisputed king of Memphis wrestling and a living legend in that city. He's also known for being one of the longest running commentators in the WWE, partnered previously with his good friend JR and now with the insufferable Michael Cole. Somewhere along the way the unthinkable happened - the self centered, egotistical, sycophantic Lawler of the 1990s has become the voice of reason in the announce booth. King isn't afraid to get in the ring either, having just entered the Royal Rumble last night, and it's clear it's something he'd like to do more of. Be ready, because when the straps come down, it's about to be on.

Jey and Jimmy Uso (Smackdown) - The Usos are the latest generation representing the rich tradition of Samoan tag teams in wrestling, although both are a great deal slimmer than most of their fore bearers. The sons of WWE legend Rikishi, these two pay tribute to their father and their culture in their ring entrance (performing a Siva Tau, or traditional Samoan war dance) and their move set. They've updated the classic Samoan wrestling techniques with newer, faster paced offense in a kind of fusion style. Respecting their heritage, while bringing the presentation in line with the current day, is clearly a priority for this team. They have been stuck in the under card since their arrival, but maybe things are looking up for the duo as they are one of the only three full time tag teams left on the roster - a sad state for the once respected Tag Division to be in.

Jinder Mahal (Smackdown) - The son of a wealthy and powerful family in India, Jinder Mahal arrived in the WWE to assume power and assert his dominance on another continent. An arrogant, unsettling man, Mahal started his tenure by blackmailing his brother in law, the monstrous Great Khali, into doing his bidding by threatening to divorce Khali's sister. His hold was tenuous and Khali soon rebelled. Now on his own, Mahal has been making many more enemies than friends - and in his solitude the zeal of his religious faith has become more apparent in his presentation, turning him into even more of an outsider. If Mahal notices, he doesn't seem to mind.

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 6

Today we've got a psycho-sexual deviant, an impostor, and a Leprachaun. Check out the past installments here, and roll along.

Goldust (RAW) - Goldust is an outward manifestation of the bizarre psycho-sexual mind that is Dustin Rhodes, all wrapped up in a skin tight gold jumpsuit. Rhodes comes from a high wrestling pedigree as the son of Hall of Famer Dusty Rhodes. But while Dusty was maybe wrestling's greatest personification of the common man, Dustin found his success by releasing his most secret excesses and perversions out to the world in the persona of Goldust. Obsessed with cinema and voyeurism, Goldust approaches his life like an avant garde film he is concurrently directing, starring in, and watching. With ambiguous sexuality, Goldust is deliberately provocative with his gestures and mannerisms in the ring, playing off of and utilizing the latent homophobia of most wrestlers in order to get in their heads and under their skin. His obsession with gold has led him to several championships, but never the big one. Years ago he suffered an accident that electrocuted him, leaving him with tourettes like symptoms that recur to the present day.

Most recently Dustin has found himself at odds with his younger brother, the Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes. Cody has been making a name for himself targeting Goldie's old friend and tag partner Booker T, and Dustin is trying to talk some sense into the younger Rhodes. But Cody is embarrassed and ashamed of Dustin, saying Goldust and his bizarre ways have left an indelible taint on the Rhodes family name. Confrontation is brewing, and one of the siblings may walk away with Shattered Dreams.

Heath Slater (Smackdown) - The "One Man Southern Rock Band" holds the distinction of having the 'most specific nickname that has nothing to do with wrestling' in the company. Boy howdy he sure likes Southern Rock - even though it is patently clear no one on the announce team knows a southern rock band outside of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Slater is kind of the black sheep of the WWE at the moment having only JUST snapped a several month losing streak - and beating Trent Barreta on NXT is not indicative of future success. He's a former Tag Team Champion (with Justin Gabriel), a former member of both The Nexus and The Corre, but on his own he appears to be floundering (considering he just lost to a Leprechaun). He plays air guitar, flips his hair around a lot, and is living out the role of red headed stepchild of Smackdown with admirable dedication. Heath Slater is probably best defined as nobody's favorite.

Hornswoggle (Smackdown) - Okay, here we go.

Hornswoggle is a Leprechaun who used to live under the ring and help Finlay win matches. At one time he was believed to be the illegitimate son of Vince McMahon, but it turns out that was a ruse by Finlay (Hornswoggle's actual father) in order to try and protect Hornswoggle and give him a better life (you know, instead of living under the ring). Mute since birth, he recently won a battle royal and was blessed with the gift of speech by Santa Clause (the real one) who had snuck in to replace Mick Foley (who had been dressed as Santa).

Sometimes he raps.

Lets move on.

Hunico (Smackdown) - Last year the WWE signed the mysterious masked Mexican superstar Sin Cara, a man of international fame and repute, who made an immediate impact with his high flying lucha libre style. Cara suffered an injury shortly into his tenure, and returned a few weeks later - but something was... different. He was taller, and had a totally different body shape. He also started kicking opponents when they were down, and basically acting like a jerk. Then ANOTHER Sin Cara appeared (who looked a lot more like the original) and we had two Sin Caras. As you may have guessed, the original returned second and the larger one was an impostor! Evil Sin Cara changed his mask and tights to black (because he was Eeeeevil) and we had a Star Trek: Mirror Mirror situation with two Sin Caras: Sin Cara Azul (our hero) and Sin Cara Negro (bad guy). Eventually the two fought in a Mask vs. Mask match in Mexico City - where the impostor was unmasked and revealed to be Hunico. (Being unmasked is a tremendous shame, especially in Mexico). As for the motive, while the details are out there they have never been revealed on WWE TV, but we know the basic story. Hunico contends that earlier in their careers Sin Cara stole an identity Hunico was using in Mexico. Seeing Cara would be out of action, he swept in to steal Cara's identity this time, and ruin his good name, paying him back for past injustices.

Now unmasked and exposed, Hunico has brought in an old running buddy from the barrio, Camacho, to watch his back - and also so Hunico can ride shotgun on Camacho's totally sweet low rider bicycle on the way to the ring. Well, they think it's sweet. I think it's ridiculous.

Camacho owes Hunico his life from back in the day, and now they plan to run roughshod over Smackdown together.

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 5

You can check out A, B, C, and D - or choose your own adventure and start here!

Epico (RAW) - We don't know very much about Epico yet, other than that he's Primo's cousin and tag team partner (which makes him Carlito's cousin too, should he ever reappear). They just won the Tag Team Titles for the first time, beating Air Boom (Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston). They had teased an alliance with Hunico on Smackdown a few weeks ago, but signed on with Rosa Mendes instead - a move that appears to have payed off with gold. One has to assume that they're both looking to impress their manager because she is smoking hot, and the happier she is the more she dances the only dance she knows.

Evan Bourne (RAW) - The preeminent high flyer of the WWE and a member of the former Tag Team Champions Air Boom, along with partner Kofi Kingston. Kofi and Evan were on a nice roll as tag champs until they lost the belts and a rematch to Primo and Epico. Don't expect another shot soon as Bourne was just suspended for 60 days due to a wellness violation, so it will be at least two months until we see another Shooting Star Press in the WWE again.

Eve (RAW) - Eve is Kelly Kelly's best friend and tag team partner, and has been her staunchest ally in the battle against Pin Up Strong (Beth Phoenix and Natalya). Targeted by the Divas of Doom because she hasn't spent time on the Indie scene, Eve has stood out as the most talented of the 'home grown' WWE Divas.

More recently she's been the object of Zack Ryder's affections as the two have awkwardly flirted backstage - until Zack finally asked Eve out. She said yes to a date, which turned out to be bad news for Eve and has yet to happen, since the monstrous Kane has been targeting Ryder in order to push John Cena (Zack's friend and number one supporter) over the edge and force him to embrace hate. Kane has taken to stalking Eve to lure out both Ryder and Cena, and it's worked. Eve has had to watch helplessly as Kane has destroyed Ryder several times - once almost murdering him by trying to drag him under the ring and set him on fire (no, really), and most recently herniating one of Zack's discs by Chokeslamming him through the metal stage in front of the Titan Tron. Eve has had enough, and blames Cena for bringing this curse into their lives. One has to wonder if all this turmoil is strengthening her feelings for The Long Island Iced Z, or if she's starting to think that being with the Broski just isn't worth this horror.

Ezekiel Jackson (Smackdown) - Dude is big, and smiles a lot. I mean, he smiles a lot. Honestly, that's about it for this guy. Oh! He loves body slams. I think I've seen him do a match that was just body slams. Not a great experience for me, but he was into it. So... yeah. Former IC Champ, former member of The Corre (with Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, and Justin Gabriel). That fell through so now he's just treading water. I dunno. He's real big, loves body slams, and is just happy to be here, man.

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 4

Hoping to get this series finished in time for The Royal Rumble on the 29th. I just finished watching every Rumble match from 1997 until now in preparation, so I'm good and ready. I may do a Rumble preview piece. For anyone who has never seen it, the Rumble is my favorite match of the year - a variation on an over the top rope battle royal where entrants come out every 90 seconds, and the last man standing gets a title shot at Wrestlemania. The only rules for elimination is that a wrestler has to go over the top rope, and both feet must touch the floor. At roughly an hour, and with thirty entrants, there is a chance to tell a tremendous amount of stories all within one match. It's a ton of fun, and if you're thinking of ordering it then this series will help get you primed on the players. You can check out parts 1, 2, and 3 here.

Daniel Bryan (Smackdown) - Daniel Bryan was an independent superstar, an internet sensation, and considered by some to be the best wrestler in the world - but there was tremendous doubt that he could make it in the big leagues of the WWE. He debuted as part of the first class on NXT, and was immediately singled out and hated by some for his independent experience, his vegan lifestyle, and generally being a nice guy - especially by lead WWE announcer Michael Cole and Bryan's NXT 'mentor', The Miz. Since then he's gone on to prove his doubters wrong by winning the US Title from the Miz himself, and then winning Smackdown's Money In The Bank. At first he declared he would cash in his MITB briefcase in the main event at Wrestlemania, being the first to do so, but was urged by The Big Show to cash in whenever the champ was weakest - specifically against the monster Mark Henry. Finally Bryan listened to Show's advice, and just seconds after Big Show beat Mark Henry for the title, Bryan cashed in his contract and did what many once thought impossible - he beat The Big Show to win the World Heavyweight Championship. Daniel Bryan has made it in the big leagues, much to the chagrin of Michael Cole.

But having the title has started to change him. Since winning the belt, Bryan has become like a modern day Gollum who will stop at nothing to keep his precious title - fighting, running, and manipulating. But who can blame him? He's caught between two behemoths in The Big Show and Mark Henry, and his cunning is becoming even more important than his arsenal of submission moves. He is dating AJ, who just told him for the first time the she loves him, only to end up hospitalized later that night after The Big Show accidentally mowed her down at ringside during a title match. AJ is the first woman to ever love Bryan - and while he hasn't said it back yet, he's dedicated keeping his title to her. It remains to be seen just how far the once virtuous Bryan will go to stay the best.

David Otunga (RAW) - A graduate of Harvard Law, Otunga now serves as legal adviser and general minion to Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Raw John Laurinaitis. Never without his bow tie or giant thermos of coffee, Otunga may be the most highly educated and over caffeinated piece of cannon fodder on the roster. Otunga has hitched himself to Laurinaitis' wagon in an effort to carve out a spot of power within the company, but that plan may backfire as his boss is under review for questionable decision making by the board, and will undergo a performance review on Monday courtesy of Chief Operating Officer Triple H - the man Laurinaitis replaced. Come Monday, Otunga may be out of a consulting job and will have to rely on his in ring skills to make a name for himself. For his sake, I hope he finds a new client soon.

Dolph Ziggler (RAW) - Dolph Ziggler loves to be a dick, and he thinks he's good enough to get away with it - no offense. And as number one contender to the WWE title he just may be be, though he's had some help. His business manager and former lover Vickie Guerrero has been guiding his career up the card for years, and her other charge Jack Swagger has recently been acting as some (sometimes unwelcome) muscle for the Zig Zag Man. Ziggler does not lack in confidence or in talent though, and he's convinced that he's the future of the business - and has no problem telling you. He held the World Title for a cup of coffee (less than an episode) due to a technicality last year and he's worked himself back into a title shot by winning matches, running his mouth, and not being afraid to take a shortcut when one is presented - whether he needs it or not. That dubious moral code may bode well for him on Sunday as John Laurinaitis is the special guest referee for his match, and has publicly stated he plans to screw CM Punk out of the title. Twitter may have to get ready for a lot of self congratulatory remarks with the #Heel.

Also, he once got knocked out by Wolverine on RAW, and stole Princess Leia away from Zack Ryder, going so far as to have her go down on him below the camera shot while he taunted Ryder about stealing his ex. Then he broke into Zack's house and knocked him unconscious, after finding the lost evil twin brother of Zack's buddy Scott Stanford and using the twin to frame Scott for beating up Zack's room mate Mike Chiapetta.

No, seriously.

Yes, that Princess Leia.

What can I say, dude's a dick.

Drew McIntyre (Smackdown) - Drew burst on to the scene with incredible fanfare, being anointed 'The Chosen One' by no less than Vince McMahon himself. Drew won the Intercontinental Title and made life miserable for Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long for a few months, but the pressure got to be too much for Drew and he faded into losses and irrelevance. He recently found his way back on to Smackdown for what he hoped would be a fresh start, but then Teddy looked at Drew's contract and was like "we're paying you how much to lose how many matches, Playa?" and demanded results in the ring. Drew choked four matches in a row, and was fired last week. If it sticks, people will mainly miss his sweet theme song more than the man himself. A story of unfulfilled potential.

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 3

As would make alphabetical sense, we're up to the letter 'C.' You can check out parts 1 and 2 as well, or choose your own adventure and start right here.

Chris Jericho (RAW) - Jericho just returned to RAW after an almost two year absence, an absence that was quite literally kicked off by Randy Orton punting him in the head (word play). Since his return he's been showing off an AWESOME new light up jacket (it lights up!) and not saying much of anything, just soaking in the fans' adulation and coming close to tears by the emotion of it all. But Jericho is a master manipulator, and his return - true to form - was precipitated by a series of strange videos. These videos referenced a woman who would call Jericho back on some sort of almost holy mission. No idea who this woman is or what her purpose is yet, though some think 'she' may be a metaphor for the siren song of the title herself. Jericho is the first ever Undisputed Champion in WWE history (holding the WWF and WCW titles simultaneously), by way of beating The Rock and Steve Austin in the same night. Whether as Y2J, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah, or simply Chris Jericho, this is one of the all time greats and chances are it won't be long before Jericho is back in the title picture. He's never won a Royal Rumble before - a victory celebration sounds like a great way to break the silence, right?

Christian (Smackdown) - After finally winning the big one this year after a 15 year career and then losing it in a tremendous feud with Randy Orton, Captain Charisma is after 'One More Match' for the World Heavyweight Championship. The only problem with that is that he's already had like twelve and lost - but never let a little thing like "the truth" get in the way of The Instant Classic. He's out on the shelf now, but it won't be long until Christian is back on the scene whining, complaining, manipulating, and generally being an awesome dick that you love to hate.

CM Punk (RAW) - The Straight Edge Savior. The Second City Saint. The Voice of the Voiceless. The WWE champion. Chicago's favorite son CM Punk changed the course of the WWE this summer when he declared that he would win the WWE title on his last night with the company and keep it, threatening to take Vince McMahon's ball and go home. He took out John Cena and cut a SCATHING promo sitting indian style on the stage, where he declared himself the best in the world and explicitly stated that the WWE would be better once Vince McMahon was dead, except for the fact that Vince's son in law HHH would take over. Then he made good on his promise, beat Cena for the title in his home town of Chicago, blew Vinnie Mac a kiss and ran off through the crowd. This is better known as The Summer of Punk (II). You can check out an AWESOME video chronicling the whole story as a Mash Up with Dr. Impossible's Sing Along Blog Below.

He came back two weeks later because he decided he couldn't lead a revolution from the sidelines and became a thorn in every authority figure's side, as well as the leading proponent of ice cream bars in the world. Now once again the champion, CM Punk is trying to get Johnny Ace thrown out of power as the Interim GM of Raw - all while Ace is trying to get the title off of Punk.

He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't do drugs. All he does is drop pipe bombs with his microphone, and make suckers Go To Sleep. Because for CM Punk, his only addiction is competition.

Cody Rhodes (Smackdown) - The current Intercontinental Champion is the son of Hall of Famer Dusty Rhodes and the brother of Goldust. Cody has just declared his intention to pull an Ultimate Warrior. No, not to burn out in a wave of steroids and insanity, but to hold the IC and World titles at the same time. After a period of giving out grooming tips and loving himself in the mirror, Cody had his nose busted by Rey Mysterio. When he came back he claimed to be the victim of horrible facial disfigurement, but the damage was much more psychological than physical, with Cody donning a translucent face mask and becoming wrestling's version of Dr. Doom. Losing the mask after his former mentor Randy Orton cracked him upside the skull with it, Cody has since adopted Randy's old MO for making a name for himself - targeting older legends to beat on. He picked Smackdown announcer Booker T, which has also put him at odds with his own brother - Booker's former tag partner Goldust.

Curt Hawkins (RAW) - Poor Curt Hawkins. A one time Tag Team Champion when he was riding Edge's coat tails as one of The Edge Heads, his current situation is not nearly so prestigious. While his former partner Zack Ryder managed to harness the internet for a career resurrection, Hawkins bought himself a coat and a pimp stick and wrestles in low card tag matches teaming with Tyler Reks. Recently they engaged in a prank war with Yoshi Tatsu and Trent Barreta - not quite title competition.

I bet you can guess what's up next...

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 2

Part 2! (You can read part 1 here)

Beth Phoenix (RAW) - The Diva's Champion. The Glamazon. One half of Pinup Strong. One half of the Divas of Doom (with Natalya). Beth Phoenix is one bad-ass woman and you can tell because she comes the ring in Wonder Woman inspired gear, right down to the tiara and battle skirt. Blonde, buff, and ready to beat you down, she's only a villain because she knows she's right.

The Big Show (Smackdown) - Billed as the largest athlete in the world, weighing in at over 300 lbs and at 7 feet tall, this TBS isn't a super station but the closest we get to a super human. A lovable giant with a terrible temper, TBS just came back from injury at the hands of Mark Henry and his Hall of Pain. Since then he's been out for revenge, the World title, and encouraging little buddy Daniel Bryan to cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase (a guaranteed title shot whenever you want it) on Mark Henry when he was down and out, instead of waiting until Wrestlemania like Bryan promised. Instead Big Show FINALLY beat Henry for the World title, his first in 9 years, only for Daniel Bryan to cash in on HIM instead - losing the belt and leaving him with the embarrassing record for shortest World Title reign in history. Looks like Big Show may have created his own monster, as it starting to seem that the formerly nice guy Bryan will do anything to keep the gold - and we all remember how David vs. Goliath actually ended.

Booker T (Smackdown) - A legend in the ring, a former 5 time WCW champion, King of the Ring, and World Heavyweight Champion, Booker T is now the most ridiculous announcer on television. He sometimes appears to be making up his own language right there in the booth because what he's saying is often clearly not English. He's not very good at it, but his enthusiasm in infectious and the man invented yelling "Shucky Ducky Quack Quack" when an attractive woman walks by, so I owe him a lot. Recently he's stepped back in the ring to try and beat some respect into the Intercontinental Champion Cody Rhodes, who had a bad habit of brutally beating Booker from behind to show him that his career ought to be over. Booker is best buds with Cody's brother Goldust (they were former tag champs together) and so far Goldie is taking Booker's side of things. After losing to Rhodes recently will Booker be hanging up his boots for good, or will we see him back in the ring again soon?

Brie Bella (RAW) - One half of the Bella Twins with her sister Nikki, a pair of attractive twin sisters who (allegedly) wrestle, so you can see how the concept sells itself. They tend to use 'Twin Magic' to win, which is just a polite name for 'cheating liberally' by switching places when the ref is distracted. You would think they'd put a stamp on one of their hands at the top of the match at this point, given this strategy is so common it has an actual name, but what do I know. Brie debuted first and tends to be the one who actually wins more. Right now she and her sister are crushing hard on Alberto Del Rio.

Brodus Clay (RAW) - Somebody call his Momma! After months of Interim Raw General Manager John Laurinaitis promising that Brodus Clay would debut (no seriously, for MONTHS they'd be like 'next week - Brodus!' and then Johnny Ace would be like 'It's raining! Postpone the debut!') and videos hyping him to look like a monster, Brodus FINALLY made his official Raw debut last week. It was not what we expected. Hailing from Planet Funk, the Funkasauras Rex came down to the ring with two dancers, a gyrating soul routine, and birthday candle sparkler pyro coming from the turnbuckles. He then proceeded to literally squash poor Curt Hawkins while providing his own running commentary. In other words, this dude is AWESOME. A big man with some juke and jive, Brodus used to be Alberto Del Rio's bodyguard - but clearly he's his own man now.

You can check out this momentous event below. And believe me, you should.

Somebody call my Momma, we'll be back for more!

An In Story Introduction to the WWE Roster for the First Time Viewer - Part 1

I've been writing about wrestling a LOT on Facebook, and to my surprise instead of annoying the snot out of people it seems to have gotten a few individuals interested in the absolutely ridiculous world of the WWE - which especially recently has been like one giant fever dream performance art tribute to the Silver Age DC Universe. On the off chance that one of the uninitiated decides to check out an episode, I have created a character guide to the shows so you won't feel TOTALLY lost. This is all within storyline, none of that backstage stuff here - just a bit of a score card to get you started.

And remember - the very first thing I ever saw on a wrestling show was Tiger ali Singh challenging PMS to kiss his feet, and then the introduction of Meat, so you are almost SURE to have a better introduction than me.

BASIC INFO - The Roster is divided between two shows: RAW (Mondays) and SMACKDOWN (Fridays). TECHNICALLY everyone is on one roster or the other, and have different bosses, but at this point it doesn't really make a difference because everyone is on everything - but since they like to pretend it still matters so will we. NXT is this weird unending 'contest' where one rookie will seemingly win a chance to be on another season of NXT to maybe get a spot on the real roster in what has become an admirable metaphor for purgatory.

In alphabetical order - your cast of the WWE!


AJ (Smackdown) - This spunky young Rookie is also the girlfriend of World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan, and can often be seen backstage wishing him luck or hoping he doesn't die. She's tag team partners with Kaitlyn - but they keep losing matches and Kaitlyn is getting kinda pissed.



Aksana (Smackdown) - This eastern-European lady once almost married Goldust until we found out she was a literal gold-digger and only wanted his Million Dollar Belt (that he stole from Ted Dibiase). Since then she disappeared, dyed her hair, and mastered the super-natural power to make weird porn saxophone music play every time she enters a room (no, seriously). She is currently using this magic power to vaguely hit on Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long in attempt to have him awkwardly break every sexual harassment law on the books in the United States. They may or may not have sex one day - we are all hopeful that will not be on television.

Alberto Del Rio (RAW) - This rich Mexican aristocrat proclaimed it was his Destiny to win the WWE title - unfortunately, it doesn't seem like part of his destiny was to keep it very long. Dude had a hella good debut year - winning the Royal Rumble, Money in the Bank, and the WWE Championship (that's a REAL good year) but then he lost it to CM Punk, tore a muscle, and is out injured and in a wheelchair. He's got a sidekick in a tuxedo named Ricardo Rodriguez he gets to boss around, and the Bella Twins are pretty much fighting over who gets a chance to sleep with destiny first. He also comes out the ring a different multimillion dollar car every night. Honestly, it's not bad to be ADR.

Alex Riley (RAW) - Former protege to The Miz who finally flipped a switch and beat the crap out of his one time mentor after realizing 'take a lot of shit from Mike Mizanin' was maybe NOT the best way to earn respect and success in the WWE. He's the kind of dude who wears his Letterman jacket well into his thirties, so depending how you feel about that will pretty much tell you what you need to know about A-Ry. (That, and the fact that he or someone else on the WWE team could not spell or read his actual last name when creating his abbreviated nickname).

Alicia Fox (Smackdown) - This WWE diva is just... honestly not very good in the ring. She has this weird power-dance-walk... thing she does, and wears what appears to be a dead fox around her head. But she sure is cheery. It's clear Booker T has a crush on her (I hope his wife isn't watching the show) and she's got beef with Pinup Strong (Divas Champion Beth Phoenix and her Robin the Girl Wonder, Natalya) because they have correctly identified Alicia as one of those "model girls who can't really wrestle." Then she beats them with a roll up a lot. That basically sums up the last three months of women's wrestling in the WWE. Sigh...



Coming Soon - people whose name starts with the letter "B."
Sesame Street ain't got nothing on me.